Do you remember those days when you were going to school? Maybe your life was a bit simpler and you didn’t have so many extra-curricular activities – if any. But how did you feel at the beginning of each school year? Was it easy for you to make friends or were you anxious about it? Were the other kids nice to you or not? How did you deal with it? Were your parents helpful or did they put more attention on your performance as a student?
Why am I asking you all these questions? Because it’s important to put yourself into your child’s shoes and pay attention to their feelings. Are they happy going to or coming back from school? Do they talk about their friends? Perhaps you will notice small changes in their behavior. Instead of taking it personally try to see what the real story is.
It’s not easy for everyone to make friends. My daughter changed school last year and I know she’s still very conscious about making friends. She’s also very sensitive and this tends to complicate things sometimes. Moreover, in her effort to be accepted by her peers she may do or say something she wouldn’t otherwise. This doesn’t help her self-confidence.
So instead of focusing mainly on her academic performance, I first try to understand how she feels and then to boost her self-confidence. One way I do this is by using some phrases I have found to be helpful. They may serve you too:
The second and third points may not be so easily accepted even by adults. When they come up during a session some of my clients have a hard time dealing with them. By the way, what kind of feelings do you have while reading these statements? Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable?
As for me, I wish my parents would have told me these phrases or have taught me to think this way when I was a child. They would have saved me from a lot of trouble as these principles apply to all areas of our lives whether we are children or adults – school, work, family, friends, relationships in general. It’s a great life attitude to have and one that our children will certainly benefit from.