“There are times I really shout a lot at my child, and then I think I am probably not a very good mom, and this makes me feel horrible. Needless to say what this does to my confidence level; it just doesn’t exist.” That’s what a new client told me recently, and she is not the only one. Most moms share similar concerns and wonder how they can be effective without having to increase the level of their voice or scream.

Truth is we have too many expectations for ourselves as moms but also for our children. Expectations that most probably passed on to us by our moms, grandmothers, aunts, etc.

But let me ask you, did you go to school to learn how to become a mom? Or did you perhaps study it at the university? Not only do we repeat the model we grew up with but quite often we may hear worthless comments from our partners such as “it’s your fault; you are responsible for your – not our – child. After all, moms are often to blame for everything related to a child, aren’t they?

It is time to end the doubts, guilt and dilemmas that afflict us moms. Because what we inadvertently achieve is to continually criticize ourselves instead of enjoying the incredible privilege of motherhood. Yes, sometimes we do shout when our patience exceeds our limits – and it does take a lot of patience. It is not the right thing to do, but it happens; we’re only humans after all. Accept it, apologize to your child and move on. Next time you’re about to lose your cool, do something to improve your reaction.

Because there is a way to be effective without voices, anger and commotion, and it is a taught practice. No woman is born a “ready-made mom”, but every woman can become a great mom!